Picking A Band Name

If you want your band to sell a million records, you need a name that's catchy. These days, I've noticed three trends in bandnames. You'd be wise to follow them.

1. Word plus "head" suffix. Lemonheads. Propellerheads. Radiohead. Portishead.
2. Word plus number suffix. Blink-182. Sum 41. SR-71. Factory 81. Bliss 66.
3. Words spelled incorrectly. Xzibit. Korn. Limp Biskit. Gorillaz.

My recommendations for new pop-band band names: The Dickheads, IQ-51, or Pathetiq.
posted at 2:15 PM

Yesterday was my first time inside of a WalMart in a decade -- probably because K-Mart World Headquarters is in my hometown. Anyways, while I walked around, I saw two amusing items that made me laugh.

1. What's A Christian To Do With Harry Potter? If you actually thought that Harry Potter was threatening your spirituality, then you need professional help. You're too far gone for this book to help you.
2. Linux Mandrake You expect a WalMart shopper to stick Linux on their machine? You're more likely to see Christian pornography in your lifetime than Linux on the average desktop.
posted at 2:05 PM

After MacHack Day 3....

Wow! This has been quite an experience (and it's not even all done yet). I had the unique pleasure of seeing Tomb Raider in a private theatre full of geeks. The object was not to see the movie, but to make the best comment about the movie. It's really strange sitting at a movie knowing that Adam Engst, Leonard Rosenthal and the author of asciiMac are sitting directly behind you -- you feel surrounded by giants. I felt in the presence of Macintosh masters the entire conference, and meeting Steve Wozniak was truly inspiring.

I helped out with testing and the presentation of two hacks at the conference, and was thus listed in the credits. For that, I was presented with "yoot swag" - random products donated by sponsors. By luck of the draw, I got a copy of the entire Adobe Web Collection; it's $1000 if I were to buy it. Adobe Web Collection + summer = New redesign of my personal webpage. Coming soon!
posted at 12:55 AM

MacHack, Day 2

Well, I'm sitting here in the atrium, working with a team of people to make a really fantastic (if not kind of eerily dangerous) hack. I'll tell you all about it after the presentation -- I don't want to ruin the surprise for any more people. I've seen a couple of hacks (including our own) that make the Internet seem like a very very unsecure place; it makes me want to encrypt every piece of data I own. Ah well... I'm having fun nonetheless.
posted at 9:04 PM

MacHack, Day 1

Here's a picture of me prior to the first keynote speech. It's really quite something to see the people who developed the software you use on a daily basis. I really wanted to just get up and thank them (especially Bill Atkinson, for HyperCard), but alas, the moderator just wanted questions. The group that MacHack assembled was really a fun, interesting, and engaging group, and I can't wait for Woz's keynote tonight.
posted at 12:50 PM

The session on "Top 100 Things Wrong With OS X (because 10 isn't enough)" was very fun... may people in a small room yelling out complaints with the new OS. Frenzied, funny, and hopefully functional once Apple fixes things. Don't piss off these Mac developers.
posted at 10:39 PM

"Hey! This is MacHack, not MacWhack!" --Mac Murrett, regarding a discussion of computer porn
posted at 8:52 PM

Hello there! I'm talking to you from the Holiday Inn in Dearborn, Michigan, where things are getting revved up for the MacHack conference. I'm sitting here with my brand-new AirPort card serving me packets and allowing me to update my blog. A very helpful guy by the name of Pasha helped me stick the AirPort card in. It's very calm and peaceful (but I'm told to just wait :)) and I'm enjoying sitting here without eating lunch. I should go eat something. I'll be back.. after all, I'm always connected to the Internet.
posted at 3:42 PM

Benfoldsfive.com has a brief, vague blurb about a new Ben Folds solo album and a new tour coming this summer. The latest issue of Rolling Stone (the one with Angelina Jolie on the cover :P) has some more definite album info: it's called Rockin' the Suburbs, and is supposedly due in September. (The first twenty days of September are still summer, so it's all good.) And for tour specifics, well, search for Ben Folds on Ticketmaster and see for yourself.

Exciting!
posted at 8:30 PM

The protesters in Sweden keep chanting "Bush go home! Bush go home!" I'd like to ask the protesters: would it be possible for you guys to keep him? Please? Pretty please?
posted at 11:23 PM

After reading this proposal, I have to agree. (It says so on the proposal's guestbook too.)
posted at 6:48 PM

Today I drove my father's car to class today, because my car doesn't have a functional air conditioner. In a very strange coincidence, when I started driving (and listening to NPR's All Things Considered on WDET, of course), the traffic report said that accidents had occurred at both the places where I normally enter and exit the freeway (I-75 at 14 mile, I-696 at Orchard Lake). I think someone or something was telling me NOT to take my dad's car on the expressway.
posted at 9:35 PM

I have a cold. :(

I'm well overdue for some sort of sickness... the last time I can remember being sick was in mid-December, when I got the flu. Six months without illness is really really good for me.

In other news, the BradLands are now broadcasting regularly again. Always funny, and always interesting.
posted at 5:56 PM

It's high time to bring some attention to a very serious issue in today's society: women with facial hair.

I see this more and more, and each time I see this phenomenon it makes me wonder what's going on. I will attempt today to break down this phenomenon into two main categories.

1. The "Mark Twain" variety. Fashion magazines tell today's woman that if they develop a mustache, the proper way to deal with it is to bleach it. Here's a hint for you ladies -- we can still see it after you bleach it! All you do is make your mustache white, and in some cases, a white mustache is much more visible than one left to its natural color. I think bleaching is a dirty trick invented by the fashion writers to give themselves a better chance in today's competitive dating scene. But the Mark Twain variety of facial-haired woman is not nearly as bad as the second category, which is....

2. The dreaded "Sasquatch" variety. Sasquatches are easily identified by their full mustache and beard, hairy arms, legs, and if visible, their hairy armpits. This is really really gross, especially the beard part -- a beard makes a woman look like a freakin' circus performer. You'd think that something like a beard would get spotted in the mirror before you left the house for the day, but apparently, quite often women leave themselves in such a condition.

What's a girl to do? I've got an idea... why don't you SHAVE?!?!?!?! Walk into a store and buy any electric device made by Norelco. Claim it's an anniversary gift for your boyfriend. Go home, and run it around your face and neck! Good God!
posted at 6:16 PM

Yet another day in Royal Oak...

I saw a dead bird at the base of a tree today. Its neck was bent, in a manner indicative of death via falling from the tree and landing on its head. It was sad, considering how birds are supposed to be able to fly.

I went to Brueger's Bagels today for lunch. During the order process, I was served by a cute girl behind the counter named Sarah K. Here's an excerpt from our conversation, including relevant parts of my interior monologue.

Jeff: I'd like a chicken fajita bagel sandwich.
Sarah K.: I bet you would.
Jeff (int. monologue): How did she know?
Jeff: I also would like some baked potato soup.
posted at 6:20 PM

I feel like a doofus.

Last night, as I was lying, tossing, and turning in bed, realizing that I had way too much caffeine and that I needed to be up at the ungodly hour of 8 today to help Bruce load up his moving van, my mind was a-fluttering with thoughts. Mostly "go to sleep! go to sleep!". But I started thinking about how I ordered McSweeney's 6 a month or two ago, and it still hasn't come. Then I thought about the order inquiry email I sent a month ago, and never got a reply to. As you'd expect, I got angry. So angry, I thought about getting up and finding the number to McSweeney's Inc and calling and letting them have it (after all, I wasn't tired). But it was 1:30, and they probably wouldn't have answered. Well, when 8 rolled around this morning, I hopped out of bed and sent a mildly threatening letter to a real person, claiming I'd inform the BBB if I didn't get some answers. When I arrived back at my house this afternoon (about 20 minutes ago), my issue of McSweeney's 6 was on the porch.

Murphy's Law.

I sent an apology email and slapped myself in the head. Oh, and in related news, McSweeney's 6 looks really really great design-wise, and I can't wait to listen to the accompanying TMBG soundtrack.
posted at 2:31 PM

Liz Copeland, in case you didn't know, is the ultra-hip late night host on WDET. What I didn't know is that she's really really hot. As the Simpsons' Comic Book Guy would say, "There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!"
posted at 8:22 PM

Woo-hoo! I get to house-sit next week! In Royal Oak! It's literally a dream come true!
posted at 12:23 AM

Believe it or not: According to a reportedly-credible source, the girls' bathroom in Athens' band hallway has "Jeff Czerniak is great in the sack" scrawled in it. I find this strange, since no one at Athens knows if I'm great in the sack or not.
posted at 1:26 AM